Safety in BDSM and bondage play

Safety is perhaps more of concern in a D/s BDSM relationship than in vanilla. That is not to say abuse or physical harm is more prevalent in either type. To date I have been unable to find any studies comparing the two.

The nature to the sort of "play" involved in D/s BDSM is simply more intense and gives way to the endless possibilites. We all know that our "kink" can and will be misunderstood by the general population.

I would like to address something that we all have, but at one time or another have ignored. I am talking about that “little voice,” or that “certain feeling” we have had that something didn't feel right. We have all had situations occur, and upon reflection, we've said, "I had a feeling" or "I wish I would have listened to that little voice in my head". Whatever you chose to call it, however you perceive it, we have ALL had it happen. I'll go one step further and repeat something that I am sure you have heard before,. “if it sounds or feels too good to be true, it probably is.”

New submissives and experienced alike will be called upon to make decisions about things that are new and wonderfully exciting. You will meet many Dominants and submissives in your quest. You will have read books, listened to safety tips, discussed and asked questions until you are blue in the face.

You will continue to define and redefine what your submission means to you and what you seek in a Dominant. You will have moments when something may not feel right or does not quite add up. There will be people that may be out to do you harm. Hopefully you will never experience anything bad and you will have a wonderful and enlightening journey.

I want to emphasize that we all have instincts, and we all need to take a certain responsibility for the decisions we make. At times the sensations may range from slightly uncomfortable to out and out terror.. Hopefully not the latter. If at any time you feel the least little bit uneasy about something. Don't do it. If someone tells you something and you have qualms, question it. If you are told you are making too much out something and you disagree or if someone tells you "just take my word for it" and you aren't all right with it, leave, stop the discussion, or work it out to your satisfaction.

Intuition is an inherent human trait. No one really knows "exactly" how it all works. That is not the point of this safety tip. I believe alot of bad things may have been avoided if we would give more credit to our feelings. If you think you might be missing an opportunity or you are being too cautious, well at least you won't be one of those that says, "I wish I would have listened to that little voice." You will be safe and glad you listened.....

Do not ignore your "little voice", it's talking to YOU!

Discussion of the best lubricants out there for all types of bdsm sexual play. We also road test some of the most popular lubes and tell you what we liked. Also tips on spicy lubes.

Responsibility in a BDSM relationship

I don't consider myself a sadist. I do some painplay, but if I have to choose a label, I'd pick dominant. The thrill for me in bdsm is involved with knowing that my partner trusts me so much that they are literally willing to put their life into my hands. And I better be worthy of that trust.

I take my responsibility as a dom very seriously. Now, that doesn't mean that everything I do with my partner is weighted down with all kinds of heavy intentions intended to breach all of his defenses and break him to my will. Sometimes what we do is just fun. But throughout it all, runs a very serious commitment. He trust me with his life because he knows I am worthy of that trust.

BDSM treads the line of many practices that can seriously hurt someone if done with little thought or care. Incorrect bindings can cause nerve damage and impair circulation. Bruising or lacerations can occur in unintended places. Kidney damage, dislocated shoulders and deep bruising that causes blood clots are not things to be taken lightly. Those are physical ailments, and can most times be easily seen with the naked eye. Mental ones can occur as well, and those can cause even more lasting damage.

BDSM can be fun and light-hearted, but don't ever forget that often you are playing with very dangerous stuff.

When I decide to do something with my partner, I do my best to consider all angles. Does he have any health problems that will preclude us doing this? Is there any mental buttons that this might push and damage his self-esteem? How will this work within our relationship? Does it add to it? Does it help us to grow together as a couple?

After I consider these things, and I have decided on my course of action, I commit myself to accepting the responsibility for what happens. I have chosen to do this, and I must accept the consequences.

I speak here as a dominant, but if you are a sadist or a masochist or a submissive, I feel it is all the same. You have to take responsibility for you actions. How else can you make decisions that allow you to play safely and sanely, not to mention consensually?