High heel training diary, day 11

Well, the day that I have both been dreading and looking forward to since my training began has finally arrived... the day that my shoe chooser program picked the one pair of 4-inch heels form my collection that are way too small for me.

These are a pair of original, vintage 80's pumps from "Wild Pair", and they were one of those pairs of shoes that I saw for sale and "had to have". I knew they would not fit, but I'm certainly not the first person who's ever bought a pair of shoes that didn't fit because they were "to die for", women have been doing that since shoes were invented. But now I must pay the price for my vanity, and wear these excruciatingly tight shoes for the entire day, as part of my training.

Fortunately they are real leather, and thus give ever-so-slightly. Not enough to be anywhere even close to comfortable mind you, but at least it causes the tremendous pressure to be evenly spread, not just pressing on any one point. It feels like my feet are simply being squeezed from all around with tremendous pressure.

I know that Mistress Phoenix would refer to thee as "sitting down shoes". In truth, I've found that sitting for a long time in shoes like this can make them even worse, so I am trying to balance sitting and walking in them. It is still tremendously painful though, and I have only had them on for about 2 and a half hours thus far, barely the tip of the proverbial iceberg. :-( I also have to do laundry today, and a number of other things about the house that will require me to spend a lot of time on my feet. Oh, my poor toes. :-(

It is difficult to explain how pain like this affects me. On the one hand, it really does hurt, in a very unpleasant way. On the other hand, I am a masochist, so I can't help but feel aroused by the pain, especially since it's being caused by such a fetish object as sexy, high-heeled, stiletto shoes. And then on yet the other hand (three hands?) :-), the fact that I know that I am enduring this pain for Phoenix, both as a training ritual, and because she is a sadist and enjoys knowing that I am suffering, really brings me tremendous satisfaction. So it's like tremendous pain and discomfort, sexual stimulation, and great satisfaction and contentment, all at the same time, both as discrete feelings and blended together, all at once. Again, a really difficult to explain experience, but one that I am genuinely thankful to have in my life, even though I know some people would say that I would have to be crazy to feel that way about it. :-)

But regardless of that, I really do not know how I am going to make it through the day. This really is a truly agonizing ordeal.

There is also another special thing about today... this is the last pair of 4-inch heels in my training! that means that tomorrow I will finally move on to my 4 1/2-inch heels. Yay! :-D