Pleasurable and Punitive Pain in femdom

Pain is a facet of sensation, and sensation, in and of itself, is neither good nor bad. In the world of exotic sex found behind the veil, it is the submissive's ability to eroticize pain that turns it into a good experience, combined with the ability of the dominant to give "good pain." How do you give good pain?

That depends on two things: expertise with the implement of choice, and how the submissive is feeling at the time. Pain is a funny thing; sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesn’t. And sometimes, it doesn’t seem to hurt enough! Pain, if given with the right buildup, doesn’t even really hurt. One reason this pain doesn’t really hurt (unlike the spankings one may have received as a child) is that he wants this pain. He has fantasized about it, eroticized and romanticized it, and has asked for it, communicating his needs in great detail. He is emotionally desirous of it and is greatly anticipating it.

Another reason this pain doesn’t hurt is because the friendly little endorphin his brain keeps releasing when he is aroused enables him to take more, harder and faster—when properly built up. These same little endorphins are also released in your brain, but they work in a different part of your psyche. In him, it works to help him open his erotic mind and surrender, a very sexual experience. For me, and very possibly for you, the endorphin gives me a power surge which is very exciting and edgy but very different from sexual arousal.

Back to pain. There are stages to giving pain. In the case of a beating, if he isn't feeling all that aroused, and this is not a punitive punishment, then a warm-up beating is necessary. This feels more like a nice massage, if done with a flogger, or is a nice cheek warmer if he has been given a hand spanking. If he is feeling aroused when you start to beat him, or to give him another sensation such as nipple pinching, then you can start at a level higher than that of the nice massage. And then, as his body language indicates he is ready for more, you can bring it to an even higher level of pain or by incorporating other aspects of sensation with pain.

Pleasurable Pain

The first level of pain could be called a warm-up for the real beating, or a sensuous massage, which is done with a variety of instruments None of these "instruments of torture" will actually hurt; some are the equivalent of getting hit with a wet noodle, pain-wise. This level of pain, the sensuous massage, is for those who only want the sensation of being whipped, or the feeling of being disciplined or humiliated, without any damage to their delicate hides. Wimps!

Dominas usually begin the warm-up by trailing any number of things over the area—lets say in this case, his butt—in order to sensitize it. Favorites are a soft, furry, or fuzzy cloth; feather; your long, lovely, lacquered fingernails or your soft fingertips; your hair (if long enough); a feather duster—all the other things you found in your house. Perhaps you have even bought a gentle deerskin flogger as one of your warm-up toys and a horsetail flogger for mild abrasion. Pleasurable pain can also include a lot of teasing and fondling. When his bum and his mind are both tingling and ready for more, both of you will know you have done your job well. Perhaps now he will ask you to hit him “just a little harder, please, Mistress." If he is one of those, now is the lime for the gentle flogger you purchased, for a harder hand spanking or an OTK (over-the-knee) spanking with a hairbrush. If he is not turning into the slave to sensation you hoped he would become, the "pain" stops here and the other aspects and activities you have planned begin to happen.

Midlevel pain is for those who wish to explore pain and see how far they can go. Toss the deerskin and horsetail floggers aside and bring on the cowhide and moosehide floggers and wooden paddles. Sometimes this is called the love/hate pain, because this pain level uses a mixture of pleasure and pain that also allows for a gradual buildup. This pain starts at a somewhat higher level than sensuous pain, usually because he is already so aroused he doesn’t need the warm-up. Inventive sensual dominants will occasionally throw in one harder stroke among the others that produces a hurts-so-good response. This pain, or beating, can be tricky, however, because if he is not entirely warmed up and feeling sexual, he may not be ready for this much pain and the scene may go south.

The final level of nonpunitive pain is what I call trance-pain, which, for a masochistic or very aroused submissive, is the highest level of arousal attainable through pain. The preferred instruments for trance-pain are the harder toys, like the cane, quin, and tawse; single tails; a bull whip, carriage crop, and so forth. For those of you whose submissives are not into exploring the above toys, pain can be brought to a higher level by using two floggers in one hand, using one flogger in each hand (when I do this I use one flogger that hurts more than the other), alternating the flogger with a meaner paddle, or incorporating nipple torture, CBT, verbal threats of future tortures, and so on, into the beating. At this stage, each blow or new sensation is like a whole new universe exploding inside and outside of him, just waiting for his exploration. He can spiral into the depths of his submission or his masochism through this pain and gain new knowledge and understanding of himself. It is pain to bring him to his knees, groveling at your feet because he has discovered a new level of self and has been elevated by it.

Finally, there is a variety of pleasurable pain that has nothing to do with his pleasure, and everything to do with mine. This is the "because I am the domina and I feel like beating you" pain, administered because I am bored, wish to try out a new toy, practice, release pent-up frustrations, or wish to increase his tolerance for pain. As your slave, it may be his pleasure to serve and obey his domina although the pain he experiences under this circumstance may not be all that pleasurable. Of course he consents to this, and maybe to relieve his own guilt about his submission to you, he convinces himself that he has been coerced into it. Coerced by the cruel and beautiful Goddess who wields such power in his life, power so great that he submits to her completely and bears this humiliation, the humiliation of being beaten without having done anything wrong, to give her pleasure. How small and insignificant he feels, yet he still takes pride in his submission.

In pain, one can find moments of exquisite pleasure and burning passion. His pain can be an excuse to release emotions that are too strong or scary to let loose in any other context. Releasing these pent-up feelings through pain is part of his relief. Screaming, or yelling out with each blow, although noisy and perhaps making the neighbors suspicious, gives him an excellent means of venting, and screaming ensures that he continues to keep breathing regularly If neighbors and noise are a problem, there are always ways to gag him.

Punitive Pain

I admit I fully enjoy administering punitive pain, especially if it is for something that just will not go into his thick head, and no other means of impressing the error of his ways upon him seems to have much effect, either. This kind of pain has nothing to do with pleasure; this pain expresses your complete and utter dissatisfaction with him and his service. There is no warm-up, there is no touching or leasing, there is nothing but your displeasure. your preferred instrument of punishment, and the seating pain you give him.