Verbal Humiliation and female domination

I would be very happy if the word abuse was totally disassociated with romantic, consensual SM lovemaking and techniques. Since we know BDSM is not abuse, I prefer to call this particular flower in the dark garden “verbal humiliation” rather than “verbal abuse.” Not only do I think verbal humiliation is a nicer term for what we do, I also see it as a more accurate one. Let me give you an example of what would be verbally humiliating versus what would be abusive.

At the beginning of a scene, while he still has his clothes on, I grab him by his cock, which is already hard, and in my melted butterscotch voice, I whisper in his ear: “Whose toy, whose object, are you tonight?” This makes him more swollen since this is exactly his kind of humiliation. Alternatively, if I said that same phrase to him over dinner, and the people at the table next to us overheard, he would be somewhat embarrassed, maybe even annoyed, since I would have allowed outsiders to hear of our personal life without his permission, He is not into public humiliation of that sort at all, though he’d get over it. However, if during an argument, I called him an object or a thing, he would probably be angry. He would consider it to be a form of verbal abuse, like being called “stupid.”

An excellent example of verbal abuse would be the scenario I enacted oh-so-many-times with one client. He actually stopped seeing me (yes, I admit to all sorts of things) because one day I dared to have fun during his unbelievably boring session. The scenario was that he was a naughty boy who had been brought home early from his friend’s house by his mother, who was very angry with him. This part went on in his mind. In reality, what he did was sit on the slave chair and touch himself. I would wear an old-fashioned white bra, a white panty girdle, and very long, very black, very sheer nylons, covered with a black sheer jacquard robe. On my feet were my highest heels that were not fetish shoes. I was to verbally humiliate him by saying "You’re dog-doo, dog-doo!" "You’re doo, you're dog-doo-doo," and other slight variations on the same line. Funny, huh? Well, try saying that over and over for an hour! How many ways can you say “dog-doo?”

As I was rambling along, Mozart’s Eine kleine Nachtmusik popped into my head. And damn if the words “dog-doo” weren’t made to be sung to it! Without even realizing it, I began to talk-sing, “Dog-doo, dog-doo, dog-doo-doo-doo-doo, you’re doo, dog-doo, dog-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo. Dog-doo dog-doo dog-doo dog-doo . . . doo, you’re doo, you’re dog-doo-doo-doo.” Then I burst into song, “Doo doo doo, you are dog-doo, you are dog-doo, dog-doo, dog-doo . .That was it. It seemed that the words dog doo went along very nicely with every snippet of classical music I knew: Beethoven, Wagner, Schubert, whoever. I was rolling with laughter; it w'as the best time I had ever had with him! He looked at me in horror, his rather sizable dick limp in his hand. I never saw him again.

This is a very good example of verbal humiliation, although I violated one of the prime directives of BDSM by laughing at his fantasy. But I couldn't help it, I was bored out of my gourd. This same fellow also liked to be verbally humiliated about bodily functions. He enjoyed being told that I was going to cut the tiniest hole in my panty girdle and defecate in his mouth. He was to be made to eat my waste without even having the pleasure of seeing my private parts. His scenario was psychologically interesting at first, but I hope you can see how this could get very boring. He had no other interests, could not be hit, tied up, made to serve, or be trained in any way. His obsession with verbal humiliation to the exclusion of all other aspects made his scenario very limited indeed. I often winder who is “dooing” him now?

Abuse, like harassment—whether sexual, verbal, or physical—is what the recipient considers to be abusive. Romantic, consensual SM humiliation games should make you feel a pleasant and erotic sense of shame and be quite enjoyable when done correctly. Understanding the rewards of verbal humiliation requires you to open your mind to the infinite possibilities of the sexual universe inside you, and not be afraid to explore there. Because of the intimate nature of verbal humiliation, it works best between two people who know each other well. Each of us has different turn-on buttons in this area, if we like verbal humiliation at all. What turns one person on, grosses another out, or leaves them cold—your communication skills will be necessary to make verbal humiliation satisfying and rewarding for both players.