Wax Play in BDSM (Fun with Chemical Compounds!)

Moving on, let’s talk about wax! Like ice, wax serves many purposes. From crayons to creepy lifelike figures of celebrities, it’s versatile. It is especially popular in BDSM, where its usage is referred to as wax play. This involves dripping hot wax from candles or ladling it onto a person’s naked skin. It can be part of BDSM or just a part of plain ol’ kinky sex. When done properly, it feels intense and erotic.

For example ...

During my first session at the dungeon, “Pete” the “sword swallower” introduced me to hot wax as a kink.

“Have you ever had hot wax?” he whispered.

“No,” I said, revealing my newness to the profession.

He scurried off and returned with a set of mammoth nipple clamps, which he clamped onto my tiny breasts. The clamps hurt, but I breathed deeply, trying not to fidget.

I stared into the mirrored ceiling and began to study myself. I still had tan lines and the thong was pushed down so low my pubic hair was almost visible.

“Close your eyes,” he said.

While pretending to close my eyes, I glimpsed Pete lighting a candle. I wondered if he was going to remove the clamps before he gave me the hot wax.

He returned with a lit candle.

“Have you ever been spit on?” he asked.

“No.”

Leaning in close, he spit, aiming for my breasts.

A globule landed on my clamp-clad right nipple. He spit again, aiming for the left. He rubbed the spit into my chest, which made the skin feel tight.

(Spitting is yet another part of BDSM that likely falls under the “physical humiliation” category. It’s not complex enough to earn its own section.)

In the mirror, I watched Pete lift the candle and tip it toward my breasts. He poured the hot wax over them and I screamed, more from shock than pain. He began drizzling hot wax over my entire body, finally bringing the candle near my face.

“Please, not my face,” I begged, not wanting my eyeballs seared.

Turns out that I was right to be afraid. One of the number one rules of wax play is “not near the face or eyes.”

With wax, there are other codes of conduct and different levels of play to be considered. Wax should feel intense, but it should also feel good. You should not feel like you have to call 911 afterward. Once I realized that Pete wasn’t going to drip hot wax into my eyes, I settled in for the ride and relaxed into the tantalizing sensation.

Later I also found that picking and peeling dried hot wax off of my skin was fun, sort of like when you put glue on your hand as a child and then peel it off.

Be Safe!

When dealing with a burning hot substance, safety is extremely important. Luckily, by learning a few simple techniques and procedures, you can have lots of fun with wax without sending your loved one to the burn unit.

First, wax, while easy to peel off skin, is a huge pain in the ass to get out of clothing, sheets, or any kind of fabric, so before you begin make sure the wax recipient isn’t wearing couture while reclining upon a sixteenth-century Persian silk carpet. Nudity or a “blank canvas” is preferred.

While fetish garments look hot, plenty will melt and stick to the skin, causing burns. Anything with nylon, vinyl, PVC, or other synthetic fabrics should be avoided. Have the waxee lie upon a tarp or some other disposable surface so you don’t trash the place. Wax is not easy to get off of skin if that skin is extremely hairy. This is hardly an issue given the entire world seems to be either manscaping or womanscaping. But if you happen to be with a rare haired human, either avoid his or her hairy parts or rub a small amount of mineral/baby oil or lotion that contains no alcohol on the the body for easy wax removal. You can actually do this over your partner’s entire body, massaging it in as part of the play. In fact, giving your partner a massage either before or after any physically intimate activity is a nice way to kick things off or wind your partner down.

Getting back to hair, if you have long hair on your head, pull it back in a ponytail. If wax does get in your hair, use a flea comb and some conditioner to get it out. Also, keep in mind that if you are the waxer, wax splashes, so careful with your getup too. You don’t have to wear a hazmat suit, but maybe avoid wearing you favorite little black dress. Also, avoid any flowing clothing since flames will be involved. No bell sleeves!

How the waxee lies is up to both of you. Generally, I have reclined on my back when taking wax and it is dripped down my chest and stomach. I’ve also taken it while lying on my side where the wax sensually runs down the back and onto the breasts and stomach. You can also take it while lying on your stomach, so you can receive the dose of wax on the back and buttocks.

Now, don’t just go to the 99-cent store and buy any crap candle. I’m not going to break down the exact temperature at which every type of candle melts, but there are some general guidelines when purchasing candles for wax play. Plenty of sex shops (where you can shop online with privacy) now sell candles made specifically for the purpose of wax play. The aforementioned Babeland (www.babeland.com) sells several that actually turn into massage oil, which softens the skin. Some specialty candles even come with a brush, which you can use to “paint” the wax onto the skin. Not to get too scientific here, but ideally, wax play candles should have the lowest melting point available, which is 125 to 135 degrees. However, plain white paraffin candles or household “emergency candles” are usually a safe bet, and the softer a candle is, the better—generally speaking. The inexpensive glass-jar pillar candles found in bodegas and botanicas have never failed me and they come in a brilliant array of colors.

Stay away from beeswax, oil-based candles, and gel jar candles because they burn the hottest. If you are using a soy candle, make sure your partner doesn’t have a soy allergy. It’s also not a bad idea to check for allergies before the fun begins by applying a small amount of wax to a small patch of skin. If there is any redness or irritation, use that candle for home decor, but not for play, as your partner could have an allergic reaction to whatever dye, perfume, or additives are in it. I also recommend using the candle on yourself before using it on another so you know how it feels, as you should with a flogger or any new BDSM implement.

When engaging in wax play, keep open flames away from the body and lit candles or a Crock-Pot (should you be melting a boatload of wax) on a stable, level surface. If you have cats, keep the little fuckers in a separate room so they don’t go knocking the candles over. Also, keeping a damp cloth or towel and a fire extinguisher nearby in case of emergency is recommended.

Wax On Techniques

There are several ways to apply wax. I like the good old-fashioned dripping method. When dripping, hold the source of wax at least 18 inches above the skin to give the drips some time to cool. It’s best to hold the candle horizontally rather than vertically. If you hold the candle vertically, it will drip too fast and not have time to cool before landing. Again, avoid the face, and be especially careful with delicate areas like the nipples, navel, and genitals.

Getting back to wax application, aside from dripping, there are three other basic methods: pouring, painting, and layering. These three get complicated because they often involve the use of a Crock-Pot and, personally, I find anything involving kitchen equipment daunting. Luckily, one nice lady from Erotic Sensations, an online store that has a huge selection of wickless jar candles, posted video instructions online. These folks seem to be the real experts here and you can find inexpensive candles designed for wax play at their site, http://eroticsensations.us.

In said video, this “Julia Child of wax play” takes the lids off a bunch of colorful jars of paraffin wickless candles and carefully places them in a CrockPot, which she then pours water in just up to the wax line. She then turns it on high and, like most cooking shows, we jump ahead two hours. After two hours, the candles have all melted. To test the temperature she takes a little sponge on a stick and dips it in one of the candles, then rubs some of the wax on her arm. “Perfect!” she exclaims. The little sponge tool, she notes, is great for applying wax. “You could even write your name with it,” she boasts.

The online instructor then shows how you can also scoop out the wax with a spoon or ladle and pour it on. Heat-resistant squirt bottles can also be used for a Jackson Pollock effect. Just don’t squirt near the eyes!

In terms of “painting,” you can use any type of non-metal bristle brush, but before using it, make sure the bristles do not melt in the wax and do not use wax that is higher than 125 degrees, since you’ll be getting awfully close to the skin.

“Layering” is basically when you combine the previous methods and either pour, drip, or paint several layers on your partner’s skin. This looks pretty, but be warned—that much wax can retain heat, so frequently check in with your partner while you create your masterpiece to make sure he or she is safe.

Now wax on, wax off and keep that flame of lust burning.