Fisting and BDSM - tips for better fisting

While fisting is not exclusively a BDSM activity and I am sure there are handfuls of people who fist the night away without leather, latex, whips, and chains, it is a subject worth covering here given it’s a taboo kink where one partner is the bottom and one is the Top—or rather one is in the bottom. Entire books have been written on the subject of fisting, so if you really want to learn more, wrap your fist around one of them.

Fisting is an intimate act that involves placing or attempting to place the entire hand (or even both hands) in the rectum or vagina. Once the hand is fully inserted, extreme gentleness and patience are required—move it in and out of the orifice at a “slow and low” tempo.

Having only ever been vaginally fisted, I cannot speak for those who’ve taken it in the ass. I can say, however, that they may be my heroes. And to be honest, I’ve only been fisted once.

For example ...

It was at the Chelsea and I lay on my back, frightened, while Annie produced a tube of K-Y. She warmed a generous amount between her hands and lay beside me. She inserted two fingers in my pussy, followed slowly by a third. Like most lesbians, she had well-trimmed nails. (I don’t like to generalize, but most lesbians do have short nails for a reason. That’s why mainstream porn featuring girl-on-girl action where both have dagger-long nails is so absurd. When I look at those nails, all I can think is ouch!)

There is no way this is going to work, I thought, as Annie moved at a snail’s pace and my pussy stretched to what I imagined was its limit. Soon, though, her pinky was inside of my stretched-out vertical smile. After working her first four fingers in, her thumb joined the crowd and I began to sweat profusely. Breathing deeply, I relaxed and was no longer frightened.

I can’t say it felt “incredible,” but it felt “interesting,” which sadly is the least interesting adjective in the English language ... yet it’s all I can come up with to describe the sensation. Amazingly, Annie used her free hand to take a close-up Polaroid of her “handiwork,” which is probably floating around in cyberspace right now and will likely surface the moment I am asked to marry into royalty. Luckily, I wouldn’t even recognize my vagina in a fisted state so no one else should either.

As I was being fisted, I marveled at how stretchy and durable my vagina is. Given babies emerge from vaginas (with a great deal of effort), this shouldn’t have come as a shock. As the very wise Golden Girl Betty White once pointed out, “Why do people say ‘grow some balls?’ Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”

Scooter reiterated this. “Once your hand’s inside, it feels fragile, but the vagina is strong.”

Tips for Better Fisting

1. Because my nerves were wracked during my one and only experience with fisting, it wasn’t exactly a magical moment—more like a surreal one. But I can give a few pointers on fisting, offered by friends and other resources. They are as follows:

2. Trim and moisturize your damn nails. No one wants to be fisted by a dry-cuticle-plagued sloth.

3. Use lots of lube. Lots.

4. Unless you know your partner very well, wear a latex glove.

5. Don’t start with a fist. Start with a finger, then make a little duckbill with your hand.

6. Move your hand slower than The Little Engine that Could until you have reached that magical, warm place.

7. Unless your fistee starts freakin’ out, once you’ve reached that place, you can form a fist. (If the fistee does freak out and begins to strangulate your hand with either his sphincter muscles or her vag, pull out as slowly as the aforementioned sloth would cross a street.)

8. And if you are the fistee who starts to freak out, first say your safe word to stop the activity and then breathe slowly into your stomach. Easier said than done, but relax as your lover pulls out. You will be okay with these simple precautions.