The Spirituality of Masochism

Who has not heard the expression "suffering is good for the soul"? The expression was coined and used in the religious context of days long ago, and is pithy enough to still be around today. What it symbolized back then was a religious ritual meant to cleanse the spirit by mortification of the flesh. Masochism by self-flagellation was considered to be a cure for souls: to seek penance, especially physical penance, was a positive move for the soul’s health and well being. The penitential experience was a relief and a joy, and just as often a humiliating experience. Part of the allure of masochism is confession and exposure, and another part is penance and atonement. We confess to expose ourselves because the confession must be heard by someone to satisfy our needs; then we perform or undergo our penance, and atonement has been made. Masochism can be, and is, practiced both overtly and covertly. Through the desire to be punished, as well as the actual punishment, one can find sexual or spiritual satisfaction, or both. There is no denying there is pleasure in it. And if a whip is needed to do it, then there you have it.

Spirituality and masochism share the ability to describe and make use of suffering as an invaluable aspect of living. The ancient ascetic practiced a variety of self-mortifications in addition to self-flagellation, like the wearing of a hairshirt, fasting, and celibacy, to humble the flesh; his was a permanent discipline, his suffering an offering to his god and his rewards to be received in the afterlife. The masochist practices a new asceticism of sexual mortification that rewards its followers in this world, and in sexual gratification that is denied to those in the religious community. After suffering, the religious ascetic experiences a "rapture" he believes is sent from god, whereas the masochist experiences his own variety of sexual rapture bestowed upon him by his Cruel Woman. Both know the value and importance of integrating pain and privation into expression; both find their own way of expressing these experiences and intergrating them as a useful set of tools for living; both understand that the frailty of the body can be a gateway to extreme pleasure.

But it is necessary to understand that suffering is not the end of the tale. The tale must end happily; without the spiritual release that masochism can provide, the suffering is futile. The Corn God goes willingly to his death so that the crops will grow and his people will continue.

The extremely religious live behind the veil of their religion, and their religion's tenets begin to bind them, inescapably, to the life dictated by their faith. This can be related to the masochistic experience. The fantasy of living behind the veil of BDSM, once chosen and applied, first binds us, then begins creating and re-creating itself, and it cannot be stopped. Once the veil has been lifted, and you have begun to live behind it, there is no going back. Years after your initial explorations, when physical desire has become less important and you are more of an armchair adventurer than an active player, you might wish to divest yourself of all physical objects that would remind you of what was once a very active, integral part of your life. Go ahead, throw out everything you can find, even the wooden spoons! But how can you divest yourself of your memories? They will creep up on you years later, when you least expect it on a sunny day at the beach, or the obligatory cold rainy evening when you are feeling lonely. Once you have let these fantasies free, especially if you have lived them, they will always be a part of you.

Traditional sex manuals usually concentrate on positions and technique: the physical aspects of sex, as if that was all there was to it. But still, how-does one explain the vital relationship between sex and the soul? Sex, BDSM or vanilla, is a very spiritual experience, involving both mind and body. During vanilla sex, penetration is the first communal moment, then at orgasm the souls touch. In SM sex, the idea of exotic sex blooms in the mind first, anticipation grows, and then just the barest lick of the lash, brush of a nipple against a bare chest, or a softly spoken command will elicit a more intense and spiritual response. In the sadomasochistic relationship, there is a definite division of roles between the two players, the dominant and the masochist. This division ensures that a boundary is established and maintained since each player is required to act differently. There can be rapturous delight in romantic sexual masochism, in wanton acts performed with wild abandon, and in being freed from the traditional, and boring, bounds of guilt and “normalcy.”

If we recognize the soul and spirituality of masochism, we will embrace masochism’s downward movement, going no faster than we need to or want to because we can control the spiral, until we are able to plumb the depths of the soul’s passion and need. For a masochist, turning pain into pleasure makes his spirit first spiral downward to find itself then soar upward into the heavens to free itself. This is part of the joy and release to be found in masochism.