Breath Control in BDSM, choking, breath play

Given that breathing is how we stay alive, breath play terrifies the bejesus out of me—and it should. It is not something I have ever participated in (out of lack of interest on top of the fear of not breathing and thus ceasing to live). Quite simply, breath play is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for the purpose of enhancing sexual arousal. This process is known as autoerotic asphyxiation when you practice it alone. Erotic asphyxiation is the term used when you practice breath play with a partner.

The history of this practice dates back to (at least) the early seventeenth century, when it was first used as a treatment for erectile dysfunction. The idea for this most likely came from observers at public hangings noting that males often popped wood that would sometimes remain after they’d been hanged and died. Occasionally, they ejaculated while being hanged. However, in hanging victims, ejaculation occurs after death because of disseminated muscle relaxation, which is different from the mechanism sought by breath play practitioners.

There have been a few high-profile deaths attributed to autoerotic asphyxiation, but I wondered what the actual numbers were. How many people were cutting off their airflow for the sake of getting off? Being naturally curious, and in no way being an expert on this particular subject, I messaged my sister’s exboyfriend, who is now an EMT worker in a large Southern city, to ask him about it. He messaged back, “You have to call me because I have too many horror stories.”

If that one sentence alone doesn’t convince you not to try breath play, I’m afraid nothing will. Tragically, lonely teenagers often experiment with the practice of autoerotic asphyxiation, and they often end up dead. According to my EMT friend, the family sometimes “sanitizes the scene,” and the death is then falsely ruled as suicide. I had read estimates that showed the death rate from this practice to be about a couple hundred a year, but he insisted that because of the “sanitation” factor, the death toll is probably much higher.

If you are dealing with erectile dysfunction, please do not resort to autoerotic or erotic asphyxiation. It is rare that a blood flow problem has anything to do with E.D. and hanging yourself from a belt is not the answer. Rather, please look into sex therapy. If you can’t afford therapy (who can?), there are excellent books on the subject. You can even find them at the library, so no money spent and no life lost. (I know this because the manbrarian I spoke of earlier used to check these “study materials” out for me when I first became a surrogate.)

There are other even more complicated forms of breath play, as the aforementioned Midge could probably tell you, but I will strongly caution (as in, please don’t fucking do it) against using any device or mask that inhibits airflow —even if you are with someone who considers him/herself an expert.

Choking

Choking is another big form of breath play and is also quite dangerous (given that it’s choking and all ...). As a generally submissive person, I can see the appeal of some big brawny dude wrapping his manacle hands around your neck and “taking your breath away.” But the problem is that once he takes your breath away, you die.

So avoid choking scenarios, as there is really no way to do it safely. If you are the Dom in a choking situation, you could spend years in prison (and years hating yourself for having killed someone) and as a sub you could lose your life.

To summarize, don’t do it. Even if your partner is Dr. McDreamy and he’s spent decades in medical school and is considered the world’s greatest surgeon, don’t do it. Even if you are dating the fucking reincarnation of Hippocrates, don’t do it. Breath play is simply a bad idea. So is fucking without a condom, but plenty of people are going to do it.

As a writer, I understand that I don’t have much power over what any of you do between the sheets or on the kitchen floor or wherever else you choose to get kinky. In that case, I would suggest using verbal taunts and humiliation to replace the actual physical activity. Your partner may still experience a rush of adrenaline or fear if you say, “I am going to choke the living shit out of you later, you little slut bitch/sissy/whore.” The extreme kink factor will not lose its glory and no one will die or go to prison.