Verbal Humiliation and BDSM

Since we’re talking about talk, I figured we’d just jump ahead to verbal humiliation! Most BDSM guidebooks start with whipping, spanking, or bondage, but we’re just gonna get crazy here. Because the mental component of BDSM is as important as the physical, learning to creatively humiliate your submissive is crucial.

Due to my awkward, clumsy nature, I am great at humiliating myself and have never had to ask for humiliation or hire a professional to help with the task. I’m quite dumbass enough as it is, thank you. However, while I’m great at humiliating myself, I am terrible at humiliating others. Most of my life is spent gingerly trying to protect the fragile human ego. I am just that sensitive.

Over-Acting

Some of my favorite times at the dungeon were with pro Doms whose clients requested a submissive join in their session. These events were comical more often than not. One evening, Anastasia, a Russian Dom with sandy blond hair and a body like a Bond Girl, requested my presence midway through a session with her client “Joseph.” Anastasia intimidated the shit out of me. If we were on Themyscira, she was Wonder Woman (albeit blond and Russian). I had no idea what to expect, but when we got to the door, she started giggling. I had never seen her laugh before.

“You gonna love this,” she said, busting open the door.

Joseph looked to be in his early fifties, slender with graying hair. He wore only a pair of blue manties. His wrists were chained to two posts above his head and his ankles were tied to two posts on the floor. The entire room reeked of pot smoke. It was like Spicoli’s van. The radio was tuned to classic rock. A Steely Dan song played.

“Do you know VOT this FUCKING HIPPIE VOS doing in here before the session even STARTED?” Anastasia bellowed. Her accent’s severity had doubled since we entered the room. She sounded like Dracula meets Natasha Fatale.

“No, Mistress,” I said.

“He VOS SMOKING POT!” At this, she gave his ass a smack with her hand.

She spent the next the next half-hour berating Joseph for being a hippie (with terrible taste in music) while also taunting him that he wasn’t allowed to touch my half-naked body while she got to caress it all she wanted. She was a great “over-actress” and I realized then that BDSM is often a magical land of make-believe.

Another Use for "Call and Reponse”

I’ve found that “call and response” also works with verbal humiliation, sometimes in the form of forced flattery or forced admission of ownership. One Master repeatedly smacked my breasts with a riding crop while asking me, “Whose breasts are these?”

“They’reyours, Sir,” I responded, which was, of course, the correct answer.

Sometimes, a Dom would point to his small penis and say, “How do you like this massive cock?”

And I would say, “It’s very impressive, Sir.”

More from the Sexperts

While great at (even insincere) flattery, my humiliation skills are weak. Luckily, Mr. Hall, Scooter, and Amanda have no problem being complete assholes. (In safe, sane, consensual settings, of course.) And they were happy to share tips.

“How do you humiliate someone?” I asked Amanda.

“How do you not?” she retorted, in essence, humiliating me. “How could stuff not come into your head about how stupid and pathetic people are?”

Good point.

“Usually,” Amanda added, “I just talk to subs about how they are perverts and everyone knows that all they think about is sex. You can also criticize his features. If they are paying clients, I make fun of them for paying. I’ll say, ‘You old, fat, hairy piece of shit! You have to come in here and pay me to beat your ass because no one else will!’ They love that.”

Mr. Hall added that this scenario could be played out between a husband and wife. The wife could pretend to be a Dominatrix who the husband is paying. She could then say, “You old, fat, hairy piece of shit! I bet while you’re paying me, your wife is fucking someone else!”

Scooter had an interesting take on humiliation, in that her preferred method is not to use cruelty, but to get her partners (or more likely, clients) to do things to amuse her just because she’s making them do them. (Cheerleading cheers, silly costumes, and animal noises were all mentioned). “The goal for me here is more about humor than arousal, although I do find laughing very sexy,” she added.

Mr. Hall then shared, “When my girlfriend and I are doing a scene, she is always worried the neighbors are gonna hear, so I make her scream, ‘I’m a dirty whore and I love my Master’s comes.”

“Have the neighbors ever complained?” I asked.

“No, but it drives her wild.” Turns out, his ladylove is actually an exhibitionist and he found her “trigger.”